Sunday, December 7, 2014

Finally getting around to reading On Being Brown: What it Means to Be a Cleveland Browns Fan.  As if I didn't already know.

What it means to be a Browns fan is that you love the city of Cleveland and the lake effect weather.
You have a mental countdown going until the first game of NFL season, even though other teams' fans think you have nothing to look forward to.
When you buy a lighter with your cigarettes, you're disappointed if there isn't an orange or brown Bic on the shelf.
People use words like "loyal" to describe you, but you feel like that's an understatement.  Because there's something more.  Something different.

Scott Huler wrote this book and I commend him for it.  I'm actually jealous of him.  He's more than quite a bit older than me.  He has a father who passed down tales of the amazeballs awesome years of Cleveland football to him.  He got to interview people I'll never be able to meet.  This book retells all of the famous heartaches Browns fans have suffered through.

Here's the thing, though:  As a Browns fan, I've suffered more than Mr. Huler.

I'm a die-hard Cleveland fan living in Greensboro, North Carolina.

I'm 23 years old.  For three of these years, the Browns did not exist.  Other teams' fans might say this and they mean that their team performed poorly during those years.  What I mean is that my team didn't exist.  As in, Modell moved 'em to another city and we suffered.  What are you supposed to do in that case?  Pay attention to the Indians?  Pfft.  Tribe games are only entertaining if you're actually watching them at The Jake (Yes, I'm Floyd from 30 Rock combined with Ted Mosby, and I'm calling it The Jake and sometimes I still say "Fuck LeBron").*

During my lifetime, the Browns have played a total of six playoff games.
December 24, 1988: It was the 24th of December.  The Houston Oilers beat the Browns 24-23.  I was 24 days old.  I dislike the number 24.  Fuck you, Christmas Eve.

January 6, 1990: Actually, yeah, no...

I'm not going to recount each of these six games.  Because did they end in Super Bowl appearances? No.
And is that even the point?  No.

I want to keep bitching about football, but I'm around someone who wants to drink whiskey and listen to Eminem and be happy with that.  Maybe I should convert to that lifestyle.  I dunno. 

*Update to 12/7/2014:  This post was written when I was 23, and I'm now 26.  I'm certainly not converting to the Eminem and whiskey lifestyle mentioned above. But pretty much everything else holds true.

Here we go Brownies, here we go!

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